She knew she needed to marry him - him or anyone else, but who else was there, really - before the baby was born or even started showing too much. She didn't need her mother's constant disapproving or worried looks to tell her that. But still she couldn't make herself to say the words out loud. She didn't have much time, but she still found herself stalling, giving Marcus backrubs so that he wouldn't see her face, and waiting for him to ask the question himself.
Her parents, on the other hand, were maybe too enthusiastic. Alysanne was her sweetest self, baking for Marcus, treating him like family already and generally just falling all over herself to please him. And Tomas was so cheerful and friendly that one would think he wanted to marry Marcus himself. Delia knew they were worried, they were only trying to be helpful, but she couldn't help feeling somehow embarrassed. Their help was just as annoying as their disapproval and she couldn't wait to get away from them.
Didn't they trust Adrian to take care of her?
And still, there were moments when it doesn't seem all that bad.
Her romance had been sweet and wonderful, but she had to face the facts, however painful. Adrian was married, he might give her love, he might even give her money, but he would never give her a home or family. And she wanted those, genuinely wanted for herself, not just because her parents were pushing her into their way of life.
There were moments when Marcus was holding her in his arms and she felt secure and wasn't that important as well? In these moments she thought that home and family were maybe more important than romantic passion.
If only Marcus would propose soon.
Throughout all this, Devin had been doing his best not to get in anyone's way. His sister was in trouble, his parents were worried and he didn't want to add more problems to the family heap. He was so successful in being invisible, it came to him so naturally, that for those weeks it was like he didn't exist at all.
When his birthday came, he didn't really expect anything and the party caught him completely by surprise. Alysanne baked a cake, complete with candles, and Tomas brought noisemakers and excitement which Devin hadn't seen directed at him since what seemed like forever. It was like something from a different world and seeing so much attention was strange and reassuring at the same time.
Delia, her belly already huge, urged him to blow out his candles and make a wish, but Devin had no idea what he wanted. He hesitated, glancing around the room. Everyone was looking at him with anticipation, their faces warm and happy.
Devin blew out the candles and wished for everyone to stay this happy forever. He wished for Delia to marry her sweetheart, their parents to have no more worries and everyone to love each other like they did now.
Soon Delia's belly got too big for her to leave the house without everyone staring at her. Marcus didn't propose and everyone tried to tell themselves it could still turn out all right. They could get married later, Marcus could adopt the fatherless baby... uncle Dorian suggested just giving the baby away, to the convent if nobody wanted to adopt it, but Delia flatly refused. Even when Damien tried to persuade her not to give up her carefree life, even when Adrian tried to argue it would be the easiest and safest solution of "the situation", as he called it, Delia could not imagine parting with the new life that was growing inside of her. Even the words, "her baby", sounded to her like a miracle and she couldn't wait to hold it in her arms.
She was completely unprepared for the pain, though. When the contractions started, she at first thought something was wrong, she was ill, maybe even going to die.
It took hours, Alysanne doing her best to coach her daughter and the boys just watching, more worried with each hour that passed. Delia screamed and pushed, pushed and screamed, until it was finally over.
She was exhausted, but holding the tiny baby, her newborn son, poured new energy into her. "He's perfect. He looks just like his father..."
"You shouldn't say that." Alysanne interrupted her daughter's reverie, her voice gentle but firm. "Nobody must know who his father is, ever. Nobody must guess." She remembered far too well what ruined her father, what the end of his life looked like. She wouldn't bear for her daughter to suffer the same fate and too many people knew about lord Adrian's affair with her already. If lady Ellara ever found out...
But Delia found it hard to care about Ellara or much of the outside world. Her baby son was real and focusing all her attention. She felt she had finally found something to ground her and give her life meaning. But at the same time she found it hard to forget Adrian, to look at her son's perfect face and not see his father in Edric's features.
At first she just wanted to show Adrian the baby, but it was too easy to reignite the romance. Delia didn't really know how exactly it happened, but soon everything was just like in the carefree days before the baby, despite her parents' silent disapproval.
Delia was so happy with her baby and easy romance, that she completely forgot about Marcus and the desperate courtship she had been forced into. But Marcus had not forgotten her.
He had been thinking hard during since he had last seen her. He couldn't miss her pregnancy, despite all the effort she had put into hiding it, but he had decided to forgive her. If she was truly sorry for her transgression, as she seemed to be, he would take her with the baby, maybe even adopt the child so that everything would look respectable. And he would enjoy all the gratitude that he rightly deserved. And then they could be truly happy, all thanks to his generosity.
It all seemed perfect, and perfectly natural and when he walked up to her door he was already imagining his future life with his loving wife.
He didn't even knock before going right in, already feeling at home. But what he saw behind the door broke his vision into a thousand pieces. There was Delia, the girl he had almost agreed to marry, in a passionate embrace with somebody else. He watched in disbelief when the man kissed her in such a way Marcus had never seen before. She should have been kissing his feet and instead she...!
Marcus could only stare, all his love and pity for her evaporating in that instant.
Before he even realised what he was doing, he rushed to the girl and slapped her, and then again and again, screaming something about betrayal and lies and about never wanting to see her again.
Delia's first reaction was to snap something suitably cutting back. Only after the words "I have never wanted you anyway" were out of her mouth did she realise what she had done. Deep down it may have been true, but... a quick look around the house told her that Adrian had quietly disappeared, probably worried Marcus would recognise him - if he hadn't already - and tell his ghastly wife.
The realisation that she was alone, that Adrian wouldn't - couldn't? - fight for her was maybe even harder than the utter disgust she could read in Marcus' face, but what was the worst was the feeling of utter helplessness.
Delia ran after Marcus as he walked out of the door.
"Please... please, I didn't mean that... I didn't mean any of that, please, just let me explain!"
She took hold of his sleeve and tugged it, desperate to stop him, to make him listen to her. He tore himself from her grasp as if her hand was red-hot, but at least stopped. He turned to look at her, his features hard and his eyes still full of disgust, and Delia realised she had no idea what she wanted to say.
She did her best, but she was only able to stammer excuses that sounded weak and empty even to her ears. She watched Marcus shake his head slowly and pleaded even more, but it was clear nothing she could say would change his mind.
And then her mother was there. Alysanne invited Marcus for fresh bread, led him back into the house and listened patiently to him ranting. Delia didn't dare follow them. She was too scared of attracting attention.
When she dared peek through a window her mother and Marcus were still talking, he looked much calmer than before, and she seemed to be explaining or maybe suggesting something. Was there still hope?
But then Delia remembered how Marcus had looked at her just a few moments before and all the hope transformed back into anger. She was just thinking about how happy she was she never needed to see Marcus and his self-important face again when her mother called her back inside.
She walked in frowning and with her arms crossed, defiance hiding her uncertainty and fear.
"Your mother says you had no choice but to agree to your lord's advances. Is this true?" Marcus wasted no time with pleasantries before asking, his tone still cold even if most of his anger seemed to be gone. "I suppose being just a girl..."
Delia almost laughed before she managed to stop herself. The idea was just so absurd, Adrian would never have forced her into anything, as if he would ever need to!
"What? Do you really think...?"
Marcus didn't even let her finish. "So that's another lie? I should have known. With your family's reputation it would have been a miracle if you had turned any different. Forget it. Forget everything."
Delia caught her mother's look of pained disappointment. "Wait! Wait, it's true! Yes, he...!"
But Marcus was already gone before she could finish the lie.
Delia expected to be punished, but nothing happened. For a while she thought this nothing was worse than if she had been punished, her parents' disappointment was clear and their sadness even more so. Tomas lost his enthusiasm again and replaced his jokes with more work. And Alysanne was quiet and seemed resigned to all the bad luck life would bring.
But then she got used to things being what they were. Her baby son was demanding attention and Delia was happy to have him. At least Edric loved her unconditionally and only wanted her love and care.
And he never judged her and never imposed society's standards on her. Her mother never seemed to be thinking about anything else. First she worried about Marcus going to lady Ellara and when that didn't happen she switched to worrying about Delia's ruined marital prospects, but mostly she seemed to worry just for the sake of worrying.
Delia went with her to church every day - she didn't dare refuse - but when she prayed, it was for freedom to live her life her own way.
