She supposed she should have been happy to see him. But when Finn strode into her house one day, his face angry and determined, Delia's main emotion was shock. She flinched even before Finn could start shouting at her, something about a betrayal and setting him up.
"I haven't... I would never... I was punished too!" She managed to say, but was as if he didn't even hear her.
"I just can't believe you can be this slow and clumsy and not be doing it on purpose. And I didn't see you get punished."
"But...!"
And then he was on top of her, smacking her, impossible to hold away no matter how she tried. It all happened too fast for her to even cry for help before the blows stopped and Finn was out of the door again.
She ran after him without thinking.
"Wait...! I thought we were friends?" At that moment she completely forgot she was forbidden to even speak with Finn, other than just a tiny thought in the back of her head that it was lucky her parents were out. She just couldn't believe he would blame her, reject her so utterly.
"Not any more. I'm not friends with traitors and friends of village guards."
With that, Finn turned and walked away, with Delia just looking after him, feeling hurt. And she couldn't even tell her parents.
Days turned into weeks. Delia withdrew into herself, hoping to piece her life together again in solitude. Everything had gotten so complicated she couldn't find her way anymore and she didn't even know what she wanted.
She envied her baby brother, who seemed to have it so easy. Everyone loved him, school was easier for him than it had ever been for Delia, and their parents cheered him every step of the way. It was as if he didn't even have to try and it seemed completely unfair.
When Delia's eighteenth birthday came, she couldn't really care less. She watched her mother bake a special birthday cake for her and prepare everything, but it was as if it didn't really concern her. She didn't see any reason to celebrate.
The celebration itself felt as unreal as the preparations. Her parents were urging her to make a wish, but she had no idea how to put one into words. It seemed that all her wishes so far had brought only disasters, even when fulfilled. Especially when fulfilled. "What would be the point?" she asked with a shrug.
"Sweetie... what's wrong?" Her mother asked in a quiet voice that sounded whiny to Delia's ears. Her father just stared while Devin, the happy child who had everything easy, continued cheering obliviously.
Delia felt like she wanted to scream.
In the end she wasn't sure how exactly she managed to endure it. The cheering, the stupid smiles, the pretending everything was fine and everyone should be happy. She wasn't happy and hated having to pretend, but she knew she would hate the inevitable questions even more.
Only when the celebration was over and everyone finally stopped paying attention to her could she let go. She collapsed on the floor, too exhausted even to cry. She was an adult now, but she had no idea what it should mean for her, no idea what to do. In a way, she envied her parents. No matter their past, they had each other. Delia had no one and felt utterly alone.
It wasn't until after a few days spent under a dark cloud that she remembered one person who had not forsaken her yet.
Ever since that first time he spoke to her, Adrian had been more than attentive to her, making her feel like a princess whenever he was around. With him, she felt beautiful, important and wanted. and, most of all, not alone. Could it be anything else than the fairy-tale romance it seemed?
With nobody else to turn to and her uncle Damien encouraging her, Delia put everything in this secret love affair. Every day she would smile for her parents, just going through the motions of the daily chores and waiting for the evening. And then, after everyone else was fast asleep, she would get in the carriage Adrian sent for her and enter a completely different life.
When she was in her lover's arms, nothing else in the world seemed to matter. Her future may still have been uncertain, but at least she didn't have to think about it anymore. Why should she care, when she could lose herself in the belief that her lover would take care of her, that he would carry her if need be?
Those nights were like a dream. Before, at uncle Damien's house, Adrian had been attentive and romantic. Now, when they were alone under the stars, he proved to be much more.
And even as the weather was growing colder, their nights were as pleasant as ever. Adrian's embrace was always warm and when that wasn't enough on its own, they always had a hot springs in the woods or Adrian's comfortable tent.
Those nights were outside of normal time and they might have continued for ever, but time always has its ways to force itself back in view.
When Delia first started feeling ill, she thought nothing of it and tried to ignore her uneasy stomach for as long as she could. She didn't want to even think about the possibility of being pregnant, but after some time no other explanation made sense.
Still, she did her best to close her eyes and almost made herself forget before her belly grew too much to easily hide. Only this, a completely undeniable physical change, made her fully realise what was going to happen.
She was still trying to get used to the idea and figure out a way to deal with this unexpected change, when her mother found out her secret. Alysanne had no idea how it had happened, but that only made her more worried.
"What were you thinking? What would everyone say when they see you? Who is the father? The criminal you were going out with?"
No matter how scared she might have been herself, this attack put Delia immediately on the defensive. And the mention of Finn made her feel even worse, bringing back memories and feelings of embarrassment and shame, disappointment and irritation.
"No! I haven't seen Finn in ages, just like you made me promise!" The name left a bitter taste in her mouth. She missed her former friend and rejected him at the same time. "And I don't care what people will say. It's not their baby. They're all stupid anyway!"
"Delia!"
She wanted to laugh at how shocked her mother looked, how narrow-minded. "It's not like caring about other people has brought you much luck."
Silence. Delia took the opportunity to storm out of the house and out of her mother's sight, enjoying her victory. She did her best not to think about the future.
The next few days were quiet and icy cold. She had refused to tell her parents the name of the baby's father. She could imagine their reaction just too well and didn't want to hear anything about the dangers of dealing with the aristocracy. They would never understand and she didn't really want them to anyway. Those nights with Adrian were hers and hers alone, she didn't want to ruin those memories by letting them torn down by her parents.
Still, when her mother insisted on a hasty wedding, she was slowly forced to accept the idea. She didn't care about the society, but at least it would allow her to move away from her parents.
But even if she was willing to marry - who? Her fairytale prince was already married, Finn was out of the question even if he wasn't still angry at her, not to mention he would probably laugh at the idea of marriage. And when her her mother mentioned Marcus, she didn't know who she was talking about for a few moments. Still, she supposed there was no one else and certainly no one better. And when she invited Marcus over and tried to act as nice as possible towards him, he seemed flattered and happy. And he didn't ask for her reason.
Days passed and everything seemed to be going well with Marcus. Whatever they had between each other was even starting to resemble a real relationship. But Delia still couldn't help feeling strange about it all. Here she was, trying her best to make this man marry her, while she felt she didn't even know him. While deeply in love with someone else, who she could never have. Still, was there any other choice?
And as she continued flirting with Marcus, even when they were supposed to be alone, completely private, Delia could feel the eyes of her parents on her and her belly. Her baby was growing much faster than she would have liked and she was sure Marcus must notice soon. And what would he do then?
When Alysanne heard that Alvin, her oldest friend, had died, it felt like the final straw to break the illusion of her good life. The fact that they had not spoken in years didn't help, if anything, it made her feel even worse.
When she stood above his grave, after everyone else had left , she felt old. helpless and strangely lonely.
That night she couldn't sleep and instead spent it staring at the stars, thinking about the life that could have been and the uncertain future. She wondered if it was really possible to see the future in the stars, as she had once thought with Alvin. But if anything was written in the night sky, she couldn't read it.
