Friday 28 January 2022

Lady Nadine was finally happy after a long time. She finally felt fully in control, a lady in her own right, with a husband who adored her and kept to his place. Which was mostly their bedroom.
When she got pregnant she actually welcomed it, despite the annoying fatigue and morning sickness. Unlike her first pregnancy, she was not adored and pampered for carrying the heir and future hope for the Lorimer line.
It almost felt like this marriage and this baby could be a do-over and completely replace the past she didn't want to remember.


A healthy boy was born, a perfect heir to answer everyone's prayers, and Nadine realised one thing still had not changed. No matter the circumstances, she still had no more desire to care for little Edmund than she has with Imogene. Babies were still wet, loud and annoying and she still had no patience for them.
But she was the lady after all and there was an army of nurses and nannies to take over the hard and unpleasant parts.


Her firstborn daughter, a relic of the past Nadine was trying to bury and forget, was spending her days alone. Mostly forgotten, mostly invisible... maybe more than just mostly, now when there was a real heir available.
Imogene tried to be happy for her mother, she tried to convince herself she really enjoyed her solitude, but she really missed her grandmother. She missed their talks, their regular chess games... just having someone see her as a real person and not a badge of shame or an outdated piece of furniture. And as much as she tried to keep lady Leandra's memory alive, playing chess on her own just made her feel even more like a ghost.


Ethan was starting to feel like the only person without a soulmate and he hated the feeling. He didn't even believe in soulmates or any other kind of love, but still... it was annoying to be the only one left out. Especially when everyone else seemed so intent to flaunt their love before him.
Evelyn and Ronan were engaged now, waiting for their wedding and sickeningly sweet about everything they did together. Adrian made sure everyone knew about him and his wealthy heiress and even Ethan's own parents were inspired by it all, despite their age.


Ethan tried to ignore it all, but the unfairness still nagged at him. Why should everyone else be happy when he didn't have anyone? Didn't he deserve admiration as well? A sweet girl to take care of him and always be on his side?
Only to find the right girl... Ethan went once again over the list of girls he knew and rejected each and every one of them as either too plain or too quarrelsome. But most of all, they all knew him and all foolishly disapproved of him already. And then he remembered the gypsy stall he had noticed at the marketplace, promising true love at a cost.
He paid the gypsy all the money she asked, hoping more money stolen from his parents would mean a better bride. He knew exactly what he wanted, a girl richer than Adrian's Adina, more beautiful than Faelyn, sweet and more admiring than his silly naive sister. He pictured all that when the gypsy asked him to visualise his true love, but underneath all these wishes there was one more. He wanted a kindred soul, someone to actually understand him.


"The Fate has spoken. Open your eyes, turn around and face your destiny."
Normally Ethan would have rolled his eyes at the theatrics, but at that moment he was too excited to even notice it. He turned around and not only there really was a girl there, looking at him with a confused expression, but it was lady Nadine's daughter. Ethan had always known he was better than the rest of his family or everyone else in that stupid village, but having his soulmate being actual nobility was the final confirmation of that fact.


Only when he started talking with the girl, his promised soulmate and true love, it went the same as with every other village girl. She didn't immediately think he was amazing and when he told her she just rolled her eyes. She didn't even laugh at his jokes and just stood there with a vacant expression on her face.


When she turned to walk away, Ethan had enough. Here was his chance for happiness and he wasn't going to let it slip away.
He never really remembered what happened just after the blue light, but he had been vaguely aware of some strange power within him. A power that might be used... he reached for it and it was there, waiting, ready to guide him in whatever he wanted to do. He barely paid attention to his hands as he fashioned a rag from his pocket into a crude doll. What exactly he was doing didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was his desire and his will to have it fulfilled.


Imogene turned back to him and he watched as annoyance and boredom slowly vanished from her face to be replaced by admiration. "Why didn't I notice before how handsome you are?" Even her voice was different now.
"Oh? And just how handsome am I?"
To Ethan's surprise Imogene sank to one knee. "Like a summer's day in the middle of this winter, like the sun and the moon, but more radiant than both, like clear water to one dying of thirst... can such perfection even be put into words? I'm only sorry I wasn't born a poet."
It was that exact moment when Ethan fell in love, or at least believed he had. Nobody had ever spoken about him in this way. He didn't even remember when had anyone appreciated him at all.


Until now. There was the same glow in Imogene's eyes that his stupid sister had when looking at Ronan, and suddenly he understood why the two of them never wanted to be apart. He could see himself in those eyes and get lost in the reflection.


And then her lips were on his, all soft and sweet and delicate, and he wanted that moment to never end. He kissed her again and again. They talked, he telling her all about himself and she listening with beautiful devotion. He joked and she laughed, her voice like a silver bell.
It was like they were both in a trance and didn't even notice the passing of time until it got too dark to see.


And still he didn't want the evening to end and go back to his daily life of being despised. For all his confidence there was still a nagging feeling that what he had with Imogene was too perfect to last. What if the magic wore out?
When he suggested she walk home with him, it was mostly out of this fear.
She said yes without hesitation, making him wonder where his limits were and what else might be possible this night.


They walked together, hand in hand, until they reached his house. Everything was quiet, everyone was asleep... and the temptation to test the limits of this night was still too strong to resist.
Ethan just looked at the bed and then they were both in it, so perfectly in sync not a single word had to be said. He was just barely conscious of casting a spell to keep his family asleep (where did he even learn that?) and then it was just him and Imogene breathlessly exploring each other's bodies.


When they came out of their daze it was early morning, just before dawn. At first Ethan thought it was all just a dream, but when he looked at Imogene, she was still there. Still real and still looking at him with admiration in her eyes. The magic had not faded.
Or at least not yet. What if he would lose her when the sun came out? He just couldn't get this thought out of his head as he watched her slowly get dressed. What if she would forget him the moment she left his sight? Ethan was desperate not to let that happen.
And when he wasn't sure magic would be enough, he knew only one other thing that would.
Just before she could walk out he went down on one knee and proposed to her.
She said yes. It might have been his magic, because she wasn't even surprised, but that one word was all that mattered. All that would ensure Ethan's happiness in days and years to come.


Faelyn's life went by without any changes. She and Geoff were still seeing each other, sometimes just to hang out and sometimes to do other things as well. Neither of them was in love with each other, but neither of them really cared. Faelyn wasn't even sure she wanted love in her life, after it had ruined the lives of both her parents. And she definitely had no desire to exchange her, admittedly risky and turbulent, current life for a marriage and a family.
When she missed her monthly blood and later started feeling sick in the morning, she at first tried to ignore it. She wanted a child even less than she did a husband and a part of her hoped if she ignored it long enough, it would somehow go away.


She clung to her criminal life as if it was a lifeline keeping her from mundane domesticity she scorned. If anything, being (possibly) with a child and afraid for her future just made her more reckless in her activities.
It wasn't just that she needed money to ease her poverty. She felt she was owed it by the society, everyone living by their self-imposed rules and punishments only made this feeling stronger. As much as she hated the whip, the humiliation and pain, she loved the adrenaline even more.


When she was caught stealing in church, she reacted with her usual defiance when she was once again dragged before lady Nadine to be judged. The guard and the village priest both called her incorrigible and called for the harshest punishment while the lady just looked bored with the whole thing, as if she didn't still bear a grudge against her whole family.
Faelyn imagined being whipped again, probably harder than before, she she just refused to take it.
"This is a farce!" She exploded. "I'm not even your subject, so why are we bothering with this? And it's not like you can have a mother-to-be whipped, anyway!"
What she had dreaded and rejected was now her trump card that would set her free. If her life had to change, at the very least it should be for the better.
For a short moment it looked like it would work, but then the lady's expression hardened again. "We will see."


And then any control Faelyn might have still had was gone. She was examined for pregnancy, a procedure that was clearly meant to be as painful and humiliating as possible. She was declared not pregnant, a liar on top of being a thief, and brought back before lady Nadine for final judgement. Faelyn would swear the lady smirked when she sentenced her to the prison mines.
She could just hold tight to her pride, as the only thing she had left. From little rebellions to plotting an escape, she was determined not to be broken, no matter how hard they tried.
When the priest came to berate her, or demand penance, or whatever a priest might want, she refused to even speak with him.


But, just like her father before her, she was to find out there were worse things at the prison mines than just hard work and humiliation.
The apparition came out of nowhere, just clear enough to see the dead man's gaunt face and dark circles under his eyes. His clothes were ragged, more dirt than cloth, and his chains looked heavy but made no sound. When he opened his mouth to scream, no sound came out, but Faelyn suddenly felt weak, too exhausted to stand up, and hungry as if she had not eaten for years. The hunger was unbearable, gnawing at her insides, way past the point of starvation.


She wanted to run, but her legs felt heavier than the rocks surrounding her. In a daze she at least made a few weak steps towards the crude tent she used for sleeping, but collapsed before she could get to its imagined safety.
She never gained consciousness again.

Friday 19 February 2021

Delia hoped her family life would remain the same forever. She still missed her husband and older son dearly, her remaining son was so stubbornly carefree she had almost given up hope on seeing Lucien's wife and children, but with Elena's boys living with her the Manor at least didn't feel empty. She had grown to see Adrian and Ronan almost as sons and loved listening to their plans.
And maybe they at least would give her almost-grandchildren.


Ronan and Evelyn were inseparable and often reminded Delia of her own brother and his wife. The two lovebirds were just as happy and just as eager to start a family of their own, as soon as they could afford it.


But Adrian... When he reached adulthood the ambitious boy was forced to take inventory of his assets and possible future and he found them lacking. His childhood home was a burnt out husk and his and his brother's savings combined were not enough to give him the comfort he had gotten used to. University was completely out of his reach and even knight training was too expensive for what he currently had. And he was sure time was running out.
So he found another way to compound his savings. Just like he had seen Faelyn do at the market. And even though Faelyn was punished for stealing... nobody would suspect him, would they?


As he grew bolder, Adrian half hoped he might even pin his own crimes on Faelyn and earn her another dose of the whip, but completely disregarded the possibility of ending like her one day. He never imagined the old guard might be still sharp enough to see through him and his tricks, or fast enough to catch him in the act.


With no more excuses, Adrian put on his best contrite face and hoped Delia would save him from punishment one more time. But her token efforts were completely overshadowed by her son Lucien's disapproval and the guard's anger.
When he was escorted to the pillory to be humiliated before the whole village, Adrian was sure he saw the guard smiling in satisfaction.
Evelyn was sympathetic, having been through the same punishment herself, but everyone else... Ethan mocked mercilessly both him and his sister, Faelyn didn't say anything but her smirk was more than telling, even strangers with no reason to dislike him enjoyed laughing at him. Some even brought their children to warn them off thievery.


When it was finally over, Adrian felt so humiliated, he wasn't sure how he would bear to show his face in the village again.


He hoped to hide in his comfortable room at the manor and wait until it all blew over and everyone forgot, but Lucien caught him just before he could lock the door and start sulking.
"Don't you think it's time for you to finally leave?"
"What? Are you serious? This is..." Adrian tried hard to keep himself from screaming or bursting into tears, but there was still an edge in his voice.
"This is my house. And my mother's, but mostly mine. And we have long been patient with you freeloaders, but I draw the line at thieves. You have one day and then I want you out."
Adrian tried pleading with Delia, but even when that proved futile, he refused to start packing and instead retreated into bed. From there he watched helplessly how loyal Ronan put everything together and Lucien went through all their bags one last time to "check there was nothing stolen amongst their belongings", and tried not to scream in frustration.
But in the end he let his younger brother lead him into a carriage that would take them back to their original home. Cold, empty, but at least undeniably theirs.


They furnished the house as best they could, but it still meant going from soft beds to scratchy blankets laid on a rough mat. Adrian hated everything about their new situation and especially the fact that Ronan didn't mind.


On their own, away from Delia's supporting influence, the boys were slowly drifting apart and settling into their own harmful patterns. When not with Evelyn, Ronan was having trouble finding motivation for anything and spent more time just lazing around. And Adrian was blaming the whole world for his reduced circumstances, with Faelyn being an especially welcome scapegoat. He blamed her for provoking him and earning him the warning and for making the village guards more suspicious and less open to leniency.


Ronan did his best to calm his brother down, but even his dog-like loyalty was driving Adrian crazy.


What right did he have to say anything, anyway? How could he understand Adrian's rage, when it wasn't his reputation and his life that was ruined? Ronan might have shared the same bland food and hard bed, but he still had his sweetheart, his friends and even Delia's love.
When they all gathered to celebrate Ronan's birthday, his transition into adulthood, it felt like a slap in the face to Adrian. He tried to smile and cheer with the rest of them, but couldn't shake the sensation of being irrelevant, almost invisible.
And would anyone mind if he just disappeared entirely? Even Adina stopped visiting since their move back "home".


Ronan, meanwhile, could only think about Evelyn and starting his own life with her. There was the money issue, the fact that he was living in his brother's house, but ever since he blew out his candles and made his wish he couldn't shake the thought of how much he wanted to marry her.
And one day he just couldn't wait any more.
She knew Evelyn felt the same way, he knew she loved him and wanted a family, but when he presented Evelyn with a ring, he still couldn't help feeling nervous. "I know it's not much... I'm saving money, so if you want a better ring we probably can... and I will build a house for you, I promise..."
Evelyn just hugged him, her shining eyes enough of an answer.


Lucien was also enjoying his lover's company, but neither him nor Elodie saw any reason to hurry. All they cared about was that as days were getting colder their embraces stayed warm, easy and comfortable. Just like the water in his big tub, where they were spending much of their time.


Delia had her own ideas about his future, but Lucien just considered it part of something every mother would say. Trying to tie him down, force him into a mod, and for what? There was no family name to speak of, and he wasn't his brother to want to establish one. Why wouldn't his mother just understand he was happy just as he was?


Would making love to Elodie even feel as good if they got married? Or would some of their passion disappear, as some of his married friends talked about?
Lucien just didn't think it was worth it to take the risk.


Neither of them realised their carefree life meant they were taking completely different risks. Even when Elodie first started feeling sick in the mornings she first tried to blame her supper the previous day, but it didn't pass, days turned into weeks and Elodie's belly slowly started to grow.


The moment she learned she was about to get a grandchild was also the moment Delia's tolerance for her son's ongoing relationship ran out. She remembered all too well her own past as a noble's bastard's mother and all the scorn it brought her in the village. And while she didn't regret her life with Adrian and especially her two sons, she didn't want another girl to endure the same hardships. Not when it could easily be prevented.
"You must marry her." She insisted to her son. "She clearly loves you, you say you love her, so why would you want to complicate her life?"


Lucien wanted to say that he had never wanted a child, but didn't dare. He didn't really want to argue with his mother, not when she was this determined to push him into something. It was far easier to just give in, let her force a ring into his hand and push him towards Elodie.
And maybe she was right after all. The shine in Elodie's eyes when he proposed made it worth the arguments and maybe even the lifelong commitment he had just made.


After the proposal everything settled once again. Elodie moved into the manor, into the comfort that befitted her new station as a noble's wife-to-be. Her pregnancy was coming along and she was feeling more tired every day, so a chance to spend her days just lying in bed was more than welcome.


Delia took over planning the wedding and Lucien was more than happy to leave everything up to her. He had already accepted he would have to show up and say the vows, but he would be happiest if that was the only thing he was required to do.
Everything was once again under control and Lucien thought he had all the time in the world, at least until the wedding was all arranged for his and Elodie's convenience. Until Delia's time ran out.
Lucien had of course known his mother was getting on in years, but he had never thought of her dying. Or at least not any time soon, not when she was so active and full of life... not when he still needed her.
And now he was pressing her hand and she was dying with a content smile that Lucien didn't understand. Her last words to him were weak but completely clear. "I'm sorry I won't see you finally married. Take care of the little one. And be happy. I love you." And then she closed her eyes for the last time and was gone for ever.
The strongest, most constant thing in Lucien'S life was suddenly gone. What was he going to do now?

Evelyn and Ethan reached adulthood without really breaking their routine. Evelyn was still in love, just waiting for either Ronan or herself to save enough money for their own family. And Ethan was still irritable and broody, still unsure what exactly he wanted from life. He only knew he wanted what he was owed, whatever it was.
As summer turned into autumn, he would spend more time just looking at the stars and imagining what life he could have had in an ideal, fairytale world. His sister tried to drag him back into reality, but Ethan was convinced he was living in a wrong reality and ought to be a hero beloved and respected by all.
It was in the middle of one of these fantasies that the blue light came.


Evelyn watched in shock as her brother was lifted into the sky.
She had heard stories of the Fae, elusive beings who sometimes chose and took people for their own purposes, often impossible to understand. She had heard about people being gifted with wisdom and wealth, but also of people danced to death or turned into horrific monsters. And as much as her brother might believe he was deserving of unearthly reward, she couldn't help but be be afraid for him.
Without thinking, she stepped where he had stood just a while before, into the frightening light, and called after him.
And the light answered.


She could hear music and laughter. Voices, some surprised, some almost approving. Evelyn closed her eyes, gathered all her courage and spoke: "Give me back my brother. He's..."
More laughter. And then what sounded like many voices entwined into one: "In time. When all is finished, when he has what he asked for. But we may give you the same, to use for good or ill."
She didn't dare open her eyes, but she felt being lifted high into the sky as the voice finished: "You might need it when he is back."


Tiriel's life continued in a mostly ordinary way. Little Avianna was growing like any other child, if a little wild at times. She loved running around the woods, often refused to wear shoes and preferred to sleep outside, but even her mother herself wasn't sure if it was something in the girl's blood or just results of the circumstances she was born in.
As more time passed and Avianna's pearl eyes stayed the only clearly unnatural thing about her, people of the village started wondering if the Fae story might be just a cover for another of Tiriel's affairs.
At first Tiriel educated her daughter herself, desperate to shield the girl from all of that talk, but soon it stopped being enough. When Avianna started asking about the village school herself, Tiriel finally relented and let her go. She only hoped the bright and inquisitive girl wouldn't get hurt for being too different from all the other children.


The girl didn't seem to care, though. In some ways she was just like all the other children, but in others she stayed a wild thing from the forest, no matter how hard the village priest tried to "civilise" her. She was always happier outside than confined by four walls and even slept under the sky whenever the weather permitted.


Faelyn, meanwhile, was dealing with a bad reputation of her own.
It was bad enough that she had been caught before even having the chance to steal anything good and even worse to be punished so publically. To be still seen as a thief weeks after the punishment was completely unfair, especially as Evelyn, her partner in crime and the worst lookout ever, seemed to be fine.
She tried to keep her head up high and pretend nothing was happening, but not being the cool girl everyone admired was hard to bear.


But as time passed Faelyn slowly discovered there was another way. There had always been people who rejected her because of her parents and she never really cared for that. Now there would just be more people she didn't care about, more people who should pay her back.
After all, if everyone thought she was a thief, why should she stop herself fully becoming one? Why shouldn't she take back her self respect, with some money as interest?
It didn't take long until her routine was almost perfect. Stick to crowds, move fast and be gone before anyone could notice their belongings missing. Or play clever games with stupid people. Her favourite was telling people they had lost their purse, a distraction that explained its sudden disappearance.


Looking back, Faelyn didn't know why it took her this long to embrace crime as lifestyle. Bad reputation was easier to have when she had at least some money to go with it. There were people who would have never accepted her even with a completely faultless life and those could only be laughed at. And she could always find new friends who would gladly join in the fun.
Geoff was always there when she needed to complain about people, supported her in taking what she was owed, even pushed her further and helped her come up with new tricks. He was obviously experienced and witty and much more interesting to be around than most of the village put together.


It didn't take long until they were best friends. They weren't together all the time, Geoff was too busy with his own plans and Faelyn was determined not to look too needy or clingy. But to her, the time they shared seemed to matter more than that spent apart. They understood each other, she was sure of that, and what more could she want?
When their relationship started slowly changing to maybe something more than just friends, she took it as only natural. She wasn't in love with Geoff, but wasn't companionship better anyway? They definitely didn't need true love for their first kiss to feel good and exciting.


And they didn't need true love to go further than kisses, to fool around behind her mother's house. As if her mother could judge them.
Tiriel tried to keep her daughter from going too far into a life of crime or do anything else that might irreversibly ruin her life, but soon found out she had no real influence over her. Especially not with her own past, which Faelyn was too fast to point out as the reason that turned most of the village against her. Even warnings from firsthand experience fell on deaf ears. Despite having been caught and punished already, Faelyn felt almost invincible. Too good to be in any danger.


Even Avianna, the wild child, was worried about her sister. Many of the village's customs and rules felt strange and foreign to her, but even she understood stealing was bad. And every time she saw the pillory and whipping post, she couldn't help imagine how much it would hurt.
She didn't really mean to share her worries with anyone except her mother, didn't really expect anyone to understand, but she found an unexpected friend in Elias. The son of her mother's best friend and, perhaps even more importantly, the younger brother of siblings with their own troubles and secrets. Elias knew what it was like to hear his siblings sneak out at night, he had seen his sister deal with her own punishment and been bullied by his moody older brother.
Just knowing they were not alone was a great relief to both of them.


In the middle of this, Avianna's birthday was a small affair. Not insignificant by any means, definitely not forgotten, but quiet.


The wild girl was growing into a shy young woman. Still bright and inquisitive, still preferring the woods over staying inside, but unsure every time she had to go to the village and nervous of the prospect of having to marry and start a family. Or could she possibly live just like her mother did?


Faelyn, meanwhile, was testing her limits. There were times when Geoff was the only person she could stand and everyone else was irritating at best and infuriating at worst.
She had believed Ethan was the worst of the latter, but the more she saw of Adrian, the more she hated his ambitious plans and his arrogant smirk. They were the same age and should have similar standing, but Adrian had more comfort than she could even dream of and he thought the whole world belonged to him. It was enough for Faelyn to see his stupid face to want to slap him.
And Adrian seemed to feel the same towards her.


Neither of them really knew what exactly was the last drop that caused the brawl. They probably just gravitated toward each other, both just wanted to take out their general frustration on someone. The rush felt so good neither of them really noticed Adrian's brother desperate pleas, a crowd gathering to watch them fight, or the guard that finally tore them apart.
They were both put into a prison cell overnight to cool down and Faelyn half expected another trip to the pillory, but to her surprise it didn't happen. They only got a stern lecture, were told to be thankful to lady Delia, and then they were released.


Faelyn tried to be grateful, but she still hated it. She hated the lecture, the guard's scorn, but most of all she hated to be an object of mercy, especially when she suspected the mercy was mostly directed to Adrian rather than her.
And she knew only one way to feel better again. Ignore the warning, ignore everything, throw all caution to the wind... until she found her self-respect again, or her limits.


She still believed she was mostly invincible, but this time it turned out the limits were closer than she had thought.
The trial was short and would be even shorter if not for the list of aggravating circumstances. Robbing a priest, the recent public fight, her previous criminal history... as the list went on and the only real question that remained was merely the number of whip strokes, Faelyn tried hard to hide her fear behind open disdain of the whole proceedings.
As hard and painful as the punishment might be, she was determined to not give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry.