She found her life still revolving around her daughter, her only pride and joy in her poverty. She had managed to keep her away from Tristan and Faelyn excelled in everything she did. And even when her smile still reminded Tiriel of her former love, even when the girl was sulky and stubborn, she was still absolutely perfect and the time spent reading books and telling stories together - usually about magic and the supernatural - were still Tiriel's favourite part of every day.
It was Faelyn's birthdays that marked the years rather than Tiriel's own, as it was her daughter's life she mainly wanted to build. And as it grew stronger and more solid with every new birthday cake, Tiriel didn't ever look back at her own old life and old dreams fading more and more into distant memory.
If only the old life and old decisions wanted to let go as well.
Even after all the years, Tiriel still had not forgiven Tristan for stealing her heart and then throwing it away. She had sworn off all romance, all men, but it was mostly Tristan she tried to avoid every time she went to the market.
She had thought Tristan was avoiding her too, that at least the bees had taught him to leave her alone, but maybe he was too stubborn to learn anything. Or maybe it was her carefully maintained indifference
and her head held high that provoked him, or something completely unrelated that he just decided to take out on her. It probably didn't really matter. What mattered was that suddenly he was in her face, berating her for... insulting him, or ignoring him or something else completely ridiculous. At first she was too shocked to even understand what exactly it was he way saying.
And then she snapped and launched herself at him. He had ruined her life, ruined Faelyn's life, and had the audacity to demand something of her? No, never. Never again.
It was a moment before Tristan recovered enough from her first attack to start defending himself, but even then she didn't let up. She fought with her nails like a wild cat, he and her rage the only things in the world at that moment.
She didn't even notice that a shocked crowd had gathered around them, a few people cheering her but most screaming for the guards, for someone to tear them apart.
She wrestled Tristan to the ground, feeling powerful and vindicated, feeling on top of the world. It was so good, so right, that even when she noticed all the people it only made her euphoria greater. Let everybody see what Tristan was really like, what happens to cheaters and harassers.
And then the guards finally arrived.
Only when she was put in a cell and awaiting judgement did Tiriel fully wake up and realise what had happened and what would follow. She went through a dozen possible scenarios in her head, a dozen possible judgements, trying to guess how much she needed to be afraid.
She wanted to be defiant, but when they brought her before lady Nadine and she saw the anger in the lady's face, she just looked down and stayed silent. She couldn't bring herself to ask for mercy, to express any regret about bringing Tristan back to his place, but she could see anything else would only bring a punishment much worse than what was coming.
She kept her head down and still there was something in her silence that made the lady add whipping to a day in pillory. Tiriel just wondered just what was Tristan to her, if she was one of the silly hussies he had seduced. It was better, easier, to think about that than to imagine the coming punishment.
She feared the humiliation even more than the pain. She had grown used to the scorn of most villagers, but to be put on display for everyone to see, including her daughter who looked up to her... but even that proved more bearable than Tristan being there the whole time. To see him standing just before the raised platform she was on, watching her, no doubt trying to see her tears or any other mark of weakness, that was the worst of all.
At least the other people eventually grew bored of her and then finally dispersed when it started raining.
And then, at dusk, it was finally over and she was released. She looked around for Tristan, suddenly afraid of more harassment before she could flee home, but he was nowhere to be seen. Probably afraid of what the rain would do to his clothes and his perfect hair.
But there was someone else there, someone she didn't expect.
"Are you... are you all right?" Devin was trying to hide his nervousness with a smile, but he looked unsure if she even wanted to see him. "I mean, I..."
Tiriel shook her head, but made a few steps towards him. It wouldn't do to drive away probably the only friend she had left. "I'm fine." She said. And then "Thanks."
Devin's smile widened and he took her hands. "I'm with you. And if I could help... you to stay strong..."
His touch was nice. Warm, sincere, purely supportive. Maybe he had even used magic on her somehow, because her stiffness and pain seemed to be fading.
She smiled at him, this time with real feeling, but then bit her lip. After Tristan, she had sworn off all men. And he had his loving wife at home. But even so, even after they both turned to leave for their own homes, she could still feel the warmth in her hands and heart.
Lady Nadine was growing more annoyed with her life every day. She was the last Lorimer heiress, the lady in charge, and still she felt like the least relevant person at the Manor. Meryn - her husband! - had not touched her, thank the Watcher, not before her baby was born and not since then, but he still insisted they behaved like a husband and wife. And her mother encouraged him. Those two seemed to understand each other far too well, able to talk about anything to avoid uncomfortable silence at family meals, and probably thinking about how to best ignore her wishes.
She missed Tristan and his carefree passion, but no matter how much she wanted to, she still didn't dare go to him. She could only seethe in silence.
Her baby, a girl named Imogene, was healthy, but the lengthy labour was enough for Nadine to not want anything else to do with her. Her own wishes were ignored, she saw no reason to care for someone else on top of that. Plus, her mother seemed more than eager to fuss over her.
And then there was Tiriel. Sentencing her was the first thing that made Nadine happy since her pregnancy was discovered. After a long time it was the first opportunity to show her own will, act like the noble lady she was. But there was also something about Tiriel herself that made Nadine angry, either the simple fact she had dared attack her beloved, or maybe that her history made Tristan less than perfect. It was much easier to hate the girl than to think about the possibility that she might suffer a similar fate at Tristan's hands.
She was a lady, she was far superior, and she was Tristan's beloved. And she would make Tiriel understand that, in case the public punishment wasn't enough.
Tiriel had been trying to put her life back together after the punishment, to fade back into the shadows of obscurity and become invisible. She didn't even dare ask for anything more than that. Faelyn, her darling girl, had become distant, often angry, often not at home for days, and Tiriel couldn't even blame her.
And than the lady who had so enjoyed humiliating her marched right into Tiriel's home, into her safe refuge, and suddenly she was grateful Faelyn was not there. It took all of Tiriel's self-control not to lash out and she was sure that with her daughter witnessing this it wouldn't be enough.
She bit her tongue and took a step back, but her hands clenched by themselves. She did her best to turn to stone, to not even hear the insults and the laughter, but just seeing lady Nadine's face was enough for Tiriel to see red. But she knew to do anything would bring a much worse punishment than anything she had been through.
She bit her lip again, until the taste of blood filled her mouth, and made herself think of the pillory and the whip. That was what the lady wanted and Tiriel wouldn't give her that satisfaction.
Maybe it was the raw memory of her recent humiliation that turned her rage into a feeling of utter helplessness. Everything she had been through, everything she had learned, every time she had stood her ground, all her magic, and nothing could help her keep even her safe space free of harassment. Tears flooded her eyes and all she could do was turn away from the lady and her angry glare in a futile effort to hide her weakness.
When she finally ran out of tears, the lady was gone.
After that, Tiriel started spending more and more time in the woods. She tried to convince herself she was looking for a solution, something to be on her side, perhaps even help her fight, but the truth was she just didn't feel safe in her own home anymore. She still worked hard, she still read stories with Faelyn whenever the girl would allow it, but whenever the house grew silent and she had noting to do it was just too uncomfortable. Sometimes when walking in the dark Tiriel wondered if that was what Faelyn was doing at night and if they might run into each other.
But instead she found something else, a gnarled tree that felt somehow wrong. Something inside her screamed to run, but her curiosity was stronger, and then the blue light, too strong to be completely natural, fell on her and it was too late to run, even if she wanted to.
She heard music in her head and felt magic in the air.
And then darkness, a series of blurred images in her head, of dancing people, inhuman faces distorted with anger, laughter, and more darkness. She could vaguely remember being roughly passed from one creature to the other and then pain and the knowledge they were laughing at her.
And then empty darkness, almost welcome at that point and yet maybe even more scary than anything that came before.
And then she opened her eyes and could see her own house lit by the first light of dawn. Her whole body was hurting, but the emptiness inside of her was even worse.
She lay there for a long time, watching the sun slowly rise above the horizon and trying to find what it was that was missing. And then she remembered and wished she hadn't. She remembered the word "thief" and the anger that came over those creatures as soon as one of them said it. She remembered fighting as they took all her knowledge of magic and laughed. The pain. The helplessness. And then more laughter and more pain, even after everything was gone.
She sat on the ground and cried until she exhausted herself and everything turned dark again.
The next few days went by in a haze. Tiriel couldn't scream and wouldn't allow herself to cry any more, but the emptiness was still there and driving her mad. Even after she had given up and stopped trying to perform even the smallest, simplest, most insignificant bit of magic, it was all she could think about.
And when lady Nadine came by once again to insult and berate her, she had no self control left to stop herself. She remembered the first slap, Nadine's shocked yelp, and then just the sweet taste of revenge.
What came next was another series of blurred images, too distant to reach through to her. Another night in a cell. Another trial. Nadine's smirk as she mentioned execution or the prison mines and then, as a "mercy" only sentenced her to the pillory, the whip and a fine of several times more money than Tiriel had.
Lady Nadine's tone of utter satisfaction as she pronounced the sentence finally broke through Tiriel's apathy, but before she could react she was marched back into a cell to wait for the punishment to begin.
She tried to hold on to her defiance, but fear was already gnawing through her defences, even before the first stroke landed. And then she wished for the darkness to take her again, but remained cruelly conscious through it all.
When she was finally released at dusk, she barely able to stand. All she could do was turn away from the still lingering near the raised platform and weep. She didn't even want to speak to Devin, who she remembered seeing somewhere in the crowd.
And there was still the fine to pay.
Tiriel did her best to ignore her sore back, but even working through the night wouldn't bring her enough money soon enough. There were moments when she was sure all the hard work and falling asleep on her feet were for nothing and that lady Nadine knew and counted on it. But she just refused to give up and and Nadine win without a fight.
And then, when she was close to total collapse, Devin appeared out of nowhere with the missing money, like a saviour out of a fairy-tale. He looked so nervous when he offered to help, explaining why Katharyn agreed and how it happened they had so much money lying around, but Tiriel stopped hearing as soon as she understood she was saved. Before he finished speaking, before she even realised what she was doing, she hugged him and planted a big kiss right on his lips.
Devin just stood there with shock in his eyes. He didn't resist and Tiriel kissed him again between repeating the words "Thank you" over and over.
Only when the actual money appeared in Devin's hand did she let go of him and he fled back home.
Tiriel collapsed on her bed and for a first time in what felt like ages, she slept long, well and without any nightmares.
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