Friday 29 March 2019

Delia finally had everything and was enjoying every single day. She and Adrian still adored each other, their two sons were healthy and prospering and for the first time in her life she could do anything she wanted while someone else worked for her.
She wouldn't admit it, but there were times when the last part was what felt the best. After a whole life of hard work and keeping her head down she was suddenly a lady with a maid of her own and could do whatever she wanted. And if she wanted to have a hot bath with Adrian, she didn't have to care how Amber felt about carrying endless buckets of water.


Amber had originally been happy for the opportunity to get out of her cramped house and exchange being an unpaid nanny to her siblings for being a nanny with real pay. She even accepted all the other chores that came with the position, but that was before she learned how much more work there was in a big house. And there was one more thing, one she had not expected. Back at home everyone shared her misery and her younger siblings were annoying, but still there were ways to have fun.
Her new lord was a pompous fool and her lady was a girl no better than herself who suddenly didn't feel like changing diapers. Amber at least tried to make use of everything the big house was offering her, but it was getting hard to hide how annoyed she was.


Edric tried to be friendly with Amber at the start, but soon he became confident in his new role and he started cultivating other friendships.
He was sure it made sense for him to meet Nadine Lorimer and spend time with her. They were the same age and as Adrian's son he was, after all, the most suitable companion around. But when it happened he was still at least partly surprised that the girl's still grieving and fiercely protective mother was willing to let her out of her sight. Nadine herself would worry about anything and everything, but she seemed excited and friendly and Edric did his best to make a good impression. He was a noble now, but Nadine was the only Lorimer heiress.


Life went by, easy and comfortable, until summer turned into autumn and cold days brought illness with them.
Adrian was the first to get sick and felt as if his newly found luck was running through his fingers and disappearing before his eyes. He remembered the days just before his son and lord Anselm died, the frantic desperation and the dark cloud that had not left the Lorimer Manor since, and he kept quiet. He didn't believe it could be anything serious, didn't want to believe it. If there was anything he hated, it was feeling weak and not in control.
Even when Delia became sick as well, he still closed his eyes, still refusing to believe it could be anything serious.


Delia tried to follow Adrian's lead, but she couldn't help worrying as she watched his health slowly worsen. And then the boys became sick as well and wouldn't improve no matter what she did and it was as if her dream had turned into a nightmare. It was as if she wasn't meant to be truly happy and careless.
Adrian tentatively suggested she moved back to her parents, but to Delia that sounded too much like admitting utter failure. At the new mansion they had all possible comfort and she couldn't see any reason to give that up. Even accepting other help from her parents made Delia feel like she had failed, like she wasn't as good a wife and mother that she should be, just like she hadn't been a good daughter. Once a disappointment, always a disappointment. But her mother insisted, and her soup had helped once before.
When Delia's attempts at the recipe didn't bring any change, Alysanne started coming over herself. But if there was any magic in the soup, it seemed too weak to win over the illness. If it really was an illness and not a punishment or a curse.


Delia tried to tell herself she had done nothing that would deserve such a punishment, that unlike her mother she didn't even believe in punishments of this kind. And she certainly didn't believe in curses. But she started praying to the Watcher every day and she prayed harder than she had ever done in her life.


She had been so worried about her sons that it never occured to her that her husband, always strong and confident, could be in any danger. His cough was still there, but it never seemed that serious. Or maybe it was just that Adrian was too good at hiding how bad he really felt.
And then Adrian and died and Delia's world, her whole new perfect life, came crashing down.
She was angry at Adrian for not saying anything and most of all she was angry at herself for not noticing anyway. She was blaming herself for not finding any help and couldn't imagine that guilt would ever go away.


After Adrian's death everything seemed to stop. The boys were heartboken and Delia did her best to be there for them, but nothing seemed real anymore.
And then came the funeral. Edric took charge of it, stepping up to his new role and responsibility as Adrian's heir. He said all his father wanted was to leave a legacy, to not only provide for his family but to establish something that would last, and Delia supposed he was right. It was just hard for her to think of future generations when she was all but paralysed with fear over the current one.
The funeral was held in the Ferndean valley as the place where Adrian's legacy would continue, but was no less dignified. The priest's speech was sombre and dignified, whole family was gathered to suport and console Delia and her sons. Everything seemed exactly as it should be, but as Tristan watched the proceedings, it was all completely wrong.
He watched Edric standing in the centre and felt ignored, almost as if he didn't matter, even though he should be the one receiving condolences and accepting his father's title. Almost as if he wasn't there at all. And then Edric walked around he mourners, thanking everybody and receiving one more round of condolences. Tristan looked into his face, more determined than sad, and he just couldn't take it anymore, not after Edric took everything from him.
"Don't you dare." He growled at Edric, taking a step towards him. "Don't you dare flount your false title at me. I should be the one stepping into my father's shoes, so don't you dare pretend you are better than me."
The boy's face grew dark but he seemed unable to speak, and for the first time in weeks Tristan felt someone really saw him. He wanted to continue, but then he just spat at Edric.
Even the slap he received in response didn't lessen the satisfaction Tristan was feeling at that moment. He just returned it with even more force.


All world seemed to shrink to that one moment, that one feeling, and the two rivals. They were both too angry to even feel pain, let alone take notice of anything from the outside world. But before the fight could escalate much further, the outside world intervened.
Even when the priest and William, drawing on his authority of a guard, dragged them apart, Tristan was still focused solely on Edric.


Part of him was even glad Edric would get what he deserved, he was sure now everybody would see how imaginary and fake his title and position were.
He believed it until the very moment he was sentenced to pillory for attacking a noble, the poor, sick Edric who was somehow everybody's golden-haired boy. It was so unjust he wanted to scream and only the image of even worse humiliation made him grit his teeth and keep quiet.
He had lost his shield and if he wanted to get back at Edric, he would have to find a new one.


Poor sick Edric, meanwhile, was feeling worse with every day and the illness didn't take notice of titles. Alysanne was still coming with her soup, desperate to make it work, but the almost magical healing quality seemed to be gone for good.
The only visible effect of all her care and worry was that she herself got ill as well.
Days turned into weeks and while Delia and little Lucien slowly recovered, Edric was feeling worse with every day. He was so afraid he even started praying alongside his mother as a last resort, but still he felt his life slowly draining away. It was as if his new title was weighing him down and not letting him breathe. He even had moments when he thought of letting it go, but then he always thought of Tristan. He didn't want to let him win.
But days passed and Edric grew weaker, until he had no strength left at all.


Delia could feel the dark figure even before she saw Edric collapse. She would swear there was something cold and looming in the air. And then her son was lying on the floor, trying to breathe and not able to, and there was a hooded figure over him, reaching for his life. without thinking, she hrew herself between them, wanting to protect her son with her own body when everything else had failed.


What happened next was a blur of shock, grief and desperation. The dark figure shifted its terrible attention to her and that alone almost made Delia lose her mind. Everything in her body urged her to fly or to fall on her face and sink into merciful unconsciousness. But there was her son and that was the only thing stronger than that instinct. She stood her ground.
She was vaguely aware the figure told her something and that she complied, but it was all behind a grey veil in her mind, protecting her from the madness that was lying behind. All she saw was her son and all she knew was that she would do everything in her power to protect him.
And all she knew that somehow she was successful, that eventually the dark one nodded its head, Edric floated into the air, still lifeless and then drew a long breath and opened his eyes.


It was this that fully broke her. Seeing her son lifeless on the floor was terrible, but what the dark figure did was just unnatural and somehow impossible to comprehend.
She thought she would finally faint, but that was a mercy she wasn't granted. The grey veil was torn away and Delia sank to the floor, lost in the horrors flooding from it.
The Grim Reaper took one more look at Edric, whose shock was slowly being replaced by pure joy of being alive, and vanished.


The next few days Delia didn't remember at all. She supposed she had slept and eaten, but she was still stuck somewhere behind the grey veil, still struggling to make sense of what was real and what wasn't. Her baby was dead and gone. She knew that, because there were no babies in the house, no matter how hard she looked. Her white knight was dead and gone and nobody who was left around her looked familiar. Was there anything left in the real life that would be worth coming back to? Wouldn't it be better to simply stay in the grey zone, where she at least had ghosts of those she loved?


During this time Edric did his best to act as the man of the family and take care of both his mother and his little brother, despite his own nightmares. He had Amber keep the household clean and the family fed, he helped Lucien with his schooling and did his best to play the part of a noble, but the state of his mother worried him. Especially after days turned to weeks and she was still lost in her own world and barely noticed her own family.
His own nightmares he tried hard to not think about. And if there were moments late at night when hiw own sense of reality seemed shifting and fragile, the feeling always passed before sunrise.
He just hoped one night it wouldn't come back at all.

Saturday 9 March 2019

Devin soon found out just how much his encounter with the Fae had changed him - if it really were the Fae, his memories were still rather foggy. He always felt hungry and food did nothing to help. But the worst thing was just stepping out of the house in the morning and feeling the sun on his bare skin. At first he tried to ignore the pain, thought it was just from lack of sleep or maybe that something had bit him. But it grew steadily worse until he felt like he was standing in fire, his whole skin was burning off, and the cruel sun overhead was assaulting him with more pain all the time. It only took a moment before he fled back inside, just barely stopping himself from screaming.



When he finally got over the pain and the shock, Devin turned to his mother's books, looking for anything about the Fae and other strange encounters. He needed to know what had happened to him and what he could do about it.
He didn't really know how much time he spent in the books. The familiarity of reading was reassuring, but even when he resorted to old legends and fairy tales it was rather difficult to find something, anything, matching his experiences. And what he did find he was unwilling to believe. He needed to understand his condition, but it was still hard to admit he might have turned into a childhood boogeyman, and it was only harder when he continued reading. The pain he felt in the sun was terrible, but the thought of having to sleep in a coffin and only drinking blood might have been even worse.


It only took a few days of trying to ignore his new condition until Devin felt completely exhausted and sore. He started hiding in a dark shed with no windows the cruel sun could shine through, but even then he was still unable to rest during the day.
He had no idea what to do and couldn't imagine doing anything alone, but who was there for him to turn to? He didn't want to sorry and scare his parents when they were finally happy and content, not after spending most of his life trying to not cause any problems. Katharyn was sweet and understanding, but she also strongly believed in the Watcher and he didn't want to lose her by telling her he was a monster now. And he was sure Tristan would just laugh at him.
Eventually he turned to Tiriel, half expecting her to turn him away but desperate enough to hope. He told her everything, from the little he remembered of the Fae to what he had been able to find in books. And Tiriel didn't draw away from him like he expected her to, just looked at him with interest in her face.
"I haven't told anyone else yet," Devin continued, "but I really need help. I don't even know where to get a coffin, let alone all the rest. And..." He noticed the rising panic in his voice and forced himself to stop talking.
"So getting a coffin should be the first step? I'm sure everything else will fall into place as soon as you can sleep." Tiriel was beaming with excitement, but despite this she sounded very practical and in control. Devin thought he could imagine her fighing wars or hunting dragons.
Devin nodded and wanted to say he didn't know how or where to get one, but Tiriel answered his concerns even before he could voice them.
"So we will get one. Leave the rest to me and meet me tomorrow night."


The next day Devin spent half worrying, half hoping, but mainly wondering what Tiriel's plan was. When night finally came and Tiriel turned up with a carriage. Devin didn't even know where she got it, but he had no other choice than to get in when she asked him to and go along with her plan. Even after she told him they were going to steal a coffin.
But the act itself was easier than he had expected. Apparently there had been some mistake and as a result the coffin they took was half abandoned and almost sure to not be missed. Tiriel seemed to know exactly what she was doing without any hint of fear, like a hero from old legends. Devin himelf was terrified the whole time, images of punishment before his eyes. He expected to stumble somewhere and get them caught, but it was as if he was one with the darkness and darkness himself protected him. He felt invisible and on some level this scared him even more.
Finally they had the coffin loaded up and then stored in a shed behind Devin's house. They had succeeded and were safe and Devin was so relieved he could cry.
When he was climbing into the coffin early in the morning it felt like a completely new part of his life was starting, a final proof of how isolated he had become. But at the same time, on some level it felt very right.


The rest of his life then continued in the same way. It felt as if the whole world had been turned upside down and didn't even realise it, but he had no other choice than to continue in the charade.
Katharyn continued visiting and if she was surprised or disappointed Devin could only see her after dusk she didn't show it. In those days when he was getting used to his new condition she was his personal sun, her face radiant and her heart huge and warm. His parents seemed suspicious at times and it grew harder and harder to deflect their questions, but Katharyn was exactly the same. When they were together, everything was still easy and bright, like nothing had changed.


Because if one thing didn't change it was his feelings for her, even after he got used to being whatever he was now. Katharyn was still a source of light in his life after he had acceted he would never see the sun again, and he didn't want to lose her.
But gradually he realised he didn't want to lose his new existence either, limited as it was. It would feel like losing himself.
And so weeks passed, divided into days and nights, into time with Katharyn and time without, still completely apart. Devin had no idea how to bring them together or if it was even possible.


The time spent away from Katharyn was lonely and dark, filled with a strange mixture of confidence unlike his real self and urges he was reluctant to follow. He still helped with the family weaving business, but he started spending more time outside, partly to get away from his increasingly suspicius parents and partly to give himself more time to think about all of his dilemmas. When he was fishing to bring his family some extra food or even just walking around he woods he felt free and darkness of the night and stars overhead had a strangely calming effect on him, despite - or maybe because of? - his encounter with the Fae being somehow connected with the stars.
He wished one of his friends would share his condition, but at the same time the wish scared him. Katharyn was innocent, such pure light, that he couldn't imagine her ever accepting what she would have to see as a curse. And Tiriel or Tristan... had their own lives, which Devin didn't want to destroy. He knew his dreams of having a real companion were just dreams, but that didn't stop him imagining it.


And then he met a girl at the lake and almost lost his mind.
He had seen Alaine a few times in the village, but they had never really spoken. He knew she was pretty and outgoing, maybe even too outgoing and flirty, but never interested in him. But now now the moon was shining overhead and everything was so quiet they could very well be the only two people alive. She came to him and started talking, her eyes shining with excitement and it felt so good Devin found it hard to concentrate on what was being said.
And then Alaine leaned towards him, kissed him briefly on a cheek, and then Devin lost all control of what he was doing. Only when the secund gulp of her hot blood passed his lips did he realise he was holding the girl in his arms only half conscious and his fangs were buried in her neck.
He tore himself from her with a shriek of terror and when she started to come back to her senses, he fled, leaving his fishing rod and caught fish behind. He had no idea what exactly he had done to her, but he felt terrible. The guilt he felt didn't go away even after he checked that she was healthy and not... whatever he was. He had attacked her, could have killed her, even. How could he ever look into her eyes again?


The next days he spent holed up in his shed, hiding from the world and from himself. He only emerged when he was sure nobody else would be around and completely lost track of passing time.
And then Katharyn came asking for him and would not be turned away again, even if Devin wanted her to. When she took him in her arms Devin felt human again, after feeling like a monster for what felt like eternity.
"Your mother told me you were sick... how do you feel?" She asked and her honest care and concern almost made Devin sick for real. He didn't want to lose her.


"I feel better when you are here." He said finally, hoping it would be enough for her. It was true, after all.
He put his head on her shoulder and just stood there, holding her in his arms, smelling her hair and hoping they could stay like this for ever.
She didn't say anything, but her arms around him tightened and she tilted her head back, even more exposing her white neck.


Devin felt Katharyn's whole body responding to his touch and leaned in further... and then suddenly the memory came rushing back. Suddenly it was Alaine in his arms, her inviting smile and closed eyes, and Devin could almost taste blood again.
He jumped back, silently cursing himself. To think he had his teeth so close to Katharyn's neck, he could have hurt her and she had no idea... He couldn't even look at her after this realization.
He ran back to his shed and blocked the door with his stolen coffin and did his best to ignore her cries of "What's wrong?" He could hear the pain in her voice and hated himself for causing it, but all the other choices would hurt her even more.
He hated himself for being a monster and even more for that small part of him that seemed to enjoy it, that even wanted to ake others ito monsters too. Because that part was still there, only barely restrained, and even as he sat there in his shed, he couldn't stop imagining what it would be like if Katharyn could join him.


Katharyn did feel hurt, but mostly worried for Devin. He had seemed terrified and in pain and she had no idea how to help him.
Eventually she turned to Devin's parents and told them everything, from her love to Devin's strange behavious and that last encounter. She let out all her concern and her fears and begged for help, for an explanation, for something she could do.
When Tomas promised her he would talk to Devin, she was too relieved to notice his tone or the deep frown on his face.


All Tomas had ever wanted was a happy, normal family. Plenty of children who would be loved and loving, obedient and protected, and a stable life. He had never asked for more, but it seemed that every time he thought he had achieved this life or at least was on the right track, something happened to shatter the illusion.
Devin had always been the perfect son he had dreamed about, dutiful and kind, the one who never got in trouble, and Tomas had tried hard to ignore his strange behaviour in the last months. And now this was being taken away as well and he was forced to act, despite the fact that he had no idea what was happening.
He dragged his son out from the shed where he had been spending so much time and into the house. Devin winced with pain, but Tomas was angry, concerned and determined to get some answers.
"Will you finally explain what you have been doing all the time? We never see you, you only come out at night, never speak to anybody, Katharyn is worried... if you are ill we can look for some cure, but you must say something."
Devin just shook his head and refused to speak, but Tomas could see he did look sick, deathly pale with bloodshot eyes.
Tomas begged, demanded, even threatened Devin with his belt, but the boy only drew back, looking even more ill than before.


Devin was fighting himself just to stand there and listen to his father when something in the back of his mind was telling him to defend himself, to bare his teeth and fight. He shook his head to chase those thoughts and desires away, but the whole confrontation was almost too much to bear. He wanted to scream, to run away, to lock himself up in the shed again.
When he finally did explain at least some of it, he didn't know himself where exactly he found the courage. It helped a bit that he spoke to his mother, who had watched the confrontation with shock in her eyes, not quite daring to intervene. Who had read him fairy-tales when he was little and talked about magic that might be hiding in the woods. Devin hoped she might understand at least a little.
He started with the stars and the strange light and continued with how changed he woke up. There were still things he couldn't tell, his dark urges and most of all what happened with Alaine at the lake, but he did his best to say enough without looking like the monster he probably was.
Alysanne listened without interrupting him, only her face grew more and more worried as Devin continued. And when he stopped abruptly and fled, she only looked after him sadly, wishing she could help.


While Alysanne turned to the Watcher, Devin looked to the stars again, trying to find a solution up there in the dark skies. Maybe if he found the blue light again, it would give him something to feel less alone. Or at least some answers.
He felt he was running out of time... especially as it was increasingly more obvious to him that his time had stopped. He was afraid any moment now someone would notice that he was left behind while his friends kept changing. Tristan was a man now, Tiriel had grown tall and even more beautiful than she had been and Devin felt wimpy and stupid next to them.


It took a long time of staring into the dark void and long walks through the woods, but eventually he managed once more to get the attention of what he thought of as Fae. Once again there was that blue light and the sensation of being lifted into the air. Only this time Devin had a goal and was determined to find out as much as he could.
But one more thing was different as well. This time, Devin wasn't the only one who saw the light. Alysanne was quietly amazed, but it shocked and horrified Tomas.


When he watched his son materialize from blinding light and strange blue fog, all his remaining ilusions of living a normal life crumbled to dust. He had tried hard to not believe the little Alysanne had shared with him, but he could not disbelief a direct proof of something supernatural when it was before his eyes.
And if the world wasn't what he had thought it was, if there were things in it he never would have thought possible, what else could be different without him knowing? And if he couldn't believe in his own family, what could he believe in?