With all his work, Tomas almost missed his eighteenth birthday. Would have missed it, in fact, had Alysanne not baked him a cake as a surprise and insisted on a modest celebration. Tomas tried to argue that he had become a proper grown man with his wedding vows, but inside he liked the gesture.
At the very least, he was not going to waste his birthday wish, even if he couldn't tell anyone he still believed in them. He wished with his whole heart for the first of the planned children, the firstborn son he planned to name Devin, to come soon.

Alysanne's own wish was already half-fulfilled. It wasn't as if she didn't wish for children or wasn't willing to work, it was just that she had not had a quiet moment when she didn't have to worry about future since forever. When she was finally offered some free time, she would be a fool to not snatch it up.
At least this is what she kept telling herself when she took up her books and her sadly interrupted studies again, getting lost in other words and times and trying not to feel too bad for it.
Alvin would surely understand...

No matter how hard she tried, no matter how comfortable she was in her new life, Alysanne couldn't get Alvin completely out of her mind. When they only saw each other in church, divided by the pulpit, it was easier to stay good and proper in their own social roles. But when they chanced to meet in the market square...
It was as if Alvin didn't realise the risks - or even that any relationship between them was impossible now. He moved to embrace her, his face friendly, but his touch spoke volumes.

She managed to break away just before they could kiss, frightened by how hard it had been.
It was as if her longing grew with the impossibility of the thing and suddenly she couldn't look at Alvin any more. Muttering something about having to go, she turned and walked... not home, but towards the empty punishment pillar, standing as a remainder of what happened to anyone breaking laws. This was the only possible result, if she and Alvin crossed the borders of proper behaviour.
She had a good husband, a good life, a baby on the way if she was right, and she could only lose it all, dragging Alvin down with her.

Winter turned into spring and changing weather brought new work with it, as well as all the expected joy. Alysanne's suspicion that she was with a child became a certainty and she was following every change in her body closely, charmed by Tomas's dreams of Devin and all the other children they would have.
Until, about halfway into her pregnancy, she was seized by a terrible pain in her belly. She had thought she was going into labour, even though it was way too early. But then she noticed all the blood and realised what really was happening.

She had heard about women losing their babies, usually framed as a tale of them being justly punished by some grave misdeed. She had always considered it a strange punishment, to kill an innocent life, but she had never even imagined it could happen to her.
She burst into tears, suddenly unable to walk, to think, the pain still present but fading from her consciousness. All she could think about was, had she killed her baby with her forbidden thoughts and fantasies?
This is how Tomas found her when he finally went looking.

At first she was unable to speak to him, only shaking her head in response to his questions. Was she all right? No. What was the matter? No.
Only after a long time Tomas managed to console her enough to say the words. "There will be no Devin. The baby is gone."
With that, she burst into tears again. She couldn't tell him it was all her fault, her punishment.

Even through her tears, Alysanne saw something something die in Tomas's eyes, but still he tried to put on a brave face for her.
"We will try again. There is still time... for Devin, Aidan... all of them. You will see."
Alysanne shook her head mutely, but she allowed Tomas to lead her back to the house and to make her change clothes.

She couldn't sleep the next night, despite everything Tomas tried to say or do. She just lay in the bed with her eyes open until darkness turned into dawn, not even feeling Tomas's arms around her.
All she could think about was, was she being punished? And would her next baby survive?

Her visits to church grew more and more frequent, all the time she did not have to spend working dedicated to prayer. She prayed for forgiveness, for advice, and for peace.

She mostly tried to choose times when Alvin was busy with other errands, not wanting to face him too soon, but it was only a matter of time before they met. By that time, Alvin had already heard.
Neither of them had to say anything. Alvin took one look at Alysanne's drawn face and pulled her into a tight embrace. She wanted to protest, to say something about Watcher's wrath and punishment, but at the same time she didn't want to let go.
It was as if Alvin could read her mind. "The Watcher doesn't kill babies." He whispered in her ear.
Alysanne decided to believe him, finally letting herself relax in his arms.

It wasn't long before Alysanne found herself pregnant again.
When she first found out she felt mostly bewildered, half expecting that it would be a mistake or that the child would die again. Despite Alvin's assurances, she still wasn't completely sure the Watcher wasn't punishing her.
But then her belly continued growing and as she inspected it every morning, she slowly begun to hope again.

Luckily, Tomas never questioned all the time she spent in church praying or all the money donated to the poor.
Her baby - Devin? - still lived and Alysanne considered it almost a miracle.

Alvin was almost as excited as Alysanne herself. When he touched her belly to bless the baby inside, his eyes were shining and he was reluctant to take his hand away.
Alysanne welcomed the reassurance. And being focused on the baby helped a lot.

As she was nearing the expected day of birth, Alysanne was beginning to think the Watcher had maybe forgiven her after all. Maybe Alvin was right from the beginning...
"Blessed baby..." She murmured as she caressed her belly, "Dearest Devin..."

And then the time actually came and suddenly she was sure this was the punishment. It hurt more than anything else she had ever experienced.
It seemed to take hours, even though in reality it was faster than most childbirths. She spent most of the time desperately biting her lip, trying not to scream.

But then it was over and Alysanne was holding a healthy baby girl.

Tomas was overjoyed. When he bent over his newborn daughter, it was as if he had completely forgotten he had wanted a son.
"She is beautiful! She's so small... and perfect."
Alysanne smiled. She felt exhausted, but also happy, reassured about their hopes for future.
"She has your eyes, too." She said.