Love lost and found

Tossing and turning
And burning dreams across the night
(forever searching)
Silently waiting for such a long time
But will I know tomorrow
If you will be mine?

I've got a notion
I might as well be closer to your heart
It's out in the open
I might as well be closer to your heart

(Clannad: Closer to your heart)


"He loves me... he loves me not... he..." Brighid stopped suddenly and threw the flower away. "Of course he doesn't love me. I already know that. Stupid flower." She looked at the rest of the flowers in her lap angrily as if it was their fault that Torrin didn't even seem to notice she existed. Or that Cailean, his firtborn son, existed, which was even worse.

She had wanted to put flowers in her hair, laugh and dance around the fire of Midsummer's Night as if nothing had happened and she didn't care, but she was tired of pretending. After all, it was useless. Torrin was the one who didn't care and Brighid had already lost all her hopes of him returning when he would see that she can be happy even without him.
She looked down at the almost finished wreath, but she didn't like it anymore. Why to wear it? Why to pretend anymore? She took it and threw it into the pond. No flowers today...
"Isn't it a pity? It would definitely look very pretty in your hair..."

Brighid turned and saw Kyffen standing over her, smiling. At first the wanted to snap at him, but then she just said: "Oh, I don't care anymore."
She didn't even let him to reply and left, leaving him at the pond with the wreat still floating on the water.

"Will you tell me about how you went to the forest?"
"Don't you know it by heart by now?" Arleen asked Devin with a smile, but he insisted.
"Please tell me... you promised."

"All right. So we went into the forest, Kieran and I and..." Arleen started, but Devin interrupted her.
"No. You must say: 'We took our swords and like two knights we...' "
"See, you already know it better than I do!" Arleen laughed "But let's go now, they're going to light the Midsummer fires soon."
"Great!" Arleen smiled. She was lucky, little Devin got so excited about the fires that he forgot about the promised story... at least for a while.

It had been wonderfull at first, with Devin worshipping her and Kieran like real heroes, but now it was just annoying. And she was slowly losing the track of all the little changes she had made to the story to make it more interesting.

Brighid was staring into the fire, not paying any attention to the joy all around her. She didn't feel like dancing or pretending to be happy. Not that she had to, Torrin was dancing and enjoying himself enough for both of them, as she had noticed.

The magic of this happy night and the mead he had drunk made him even forget the Christmas Eve when he approached Rhianna.
"Hi, sweetheart. You look just wonderfull today. Totally enchanting."
Rhianna frowned. "You have been drinking."
"Just a drop," Torrin laughed, "but it doesn't change anything. It certainly doesn't change how sweet you are."
Brighid watched Torrin smile at Rhianna and say something to her. She didn't hear what, but it must have been some of his sweet nonsense, like she had heard so much of back in the happy days. Rhianna replied something which must have been positive, because Torrin caressed her face, trying to open her dress with his other hand.

Brighid's first thought was to turn away, but she stopped herself. After all, as she tried to convince herself, she no longer cared for Torrin.
But still! What does Rhianna have, that it makes Torrin care for her? The dog leader in boy's clothes, with her hair wild and always untidy? Brighid almost wanted to be friends with her, she needed a friend, but... no, never. Not after she stole Torrin from her! The... Brighid's thoughts stopped there as she watched Rhianna pushing away from Torrin and slapping him hard.

She could only stare unbelievingly. Since Christmas Eve she had believed that it was Rhianna who seduced Torrin, but from what she saw now it must have been the exact opposite. Brighid watched Rhianna turn and walk away angrily, not knowing what to think.

Lovyan was watching the young around the fire and one part of her wanted to join them. It kept telling her: "You're not that old, you still know how to dance." and for a while she wanted to try it, to behave like a young maiden again. That was until another voice in her head spoke, telling her to behave like a proper respectfull widow.

Blaise saw Lovyan's thoughts mirror in her face and walked up to her.
"Are you trying to remember how to dance?" he asked her with a smile. "I was thinking about the same thing." he added.
"Yes... well, really... I don't know..." Oh no, put yourself together! Say something... something normal! "It's a long time I last... I mean Dughall didn't..." Damn! She didn't want to start speaking about her dead husband, especially not with Blaise. "I mean..."
"Would you like to try?" Blaise asked simply and Lovyan nodded.